Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
