Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
