Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
