idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
