We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize