The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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