reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
All the doctor said was why
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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