did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
