ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
