He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
