spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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