last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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