Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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