I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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