Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
