More tranny stories later!
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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