I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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