I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
