Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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