The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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