nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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