Im at strip club and am horny
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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