There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
