im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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