a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
