oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
