sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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