hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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