I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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