when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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