can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
