no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
