I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
it wasn't lemon gatorade
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
