I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
