so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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