i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
