I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
