it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize