Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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