she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
its liver damage thursday
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
