Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
