Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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