he puts the penis in happiness.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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