How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
