Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
