who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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