If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Be still, my beating vagina.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
