Non-Jews are for practice
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
