I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
