How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Your mouth is God's brothel.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
