The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
