I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
