We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
