So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
