the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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