Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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