My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
