I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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