I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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