Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize