dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
