remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
