hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
