Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i wish my penis had a tongue
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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