At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
