i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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