you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
