Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
