He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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