Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
In America we eat man semen.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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