I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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