operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
