Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
